


Well, Shit

by SaffyreARTS



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: A Small Hint Of Fluff, Body Horror, Death, Demons, F/F, Gore, Horror, How Do You Come Up With A Nickname, Loss of Control, Magic Revealed, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Other, Rage, Saturn Is Very Stressed, Trauma, who can blame them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 16:43:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaffyreARTS/pseuds/SaffyreARTS
Summary: A few one-shots about my ancient elvhen Inquisitor, Saturn.





	Well, Shit

_I must keep running. Keep going. Don’t stop._

_Breath ragged as I stumble through this dark place, suffocating me with the overpowering smell of fear. My senses alight as chaos rampaged around me. The right side of my vision rendered useless by the blood streaming down my face. Hot tears obscured my left, making it hard to keep my footing and avoid any rocks that appeared. I choked on my sobs as I left my clan members behind in the dark mist, I was the only one fast enough to outrun it all. They made me go. I could still hear their screams. All those I had brought to the Conclave to retrieve news on the bloody war that has ravaged the Free Marches, slowly dying as they are torn to pieces from the Demons that have haunted us since we entered this place. Pain laced my body with every step, but I couldn’t stop. Not when they had begged me to go, to live on. My hand was on fire and alight with familiar magic. It felt as if my arm was being torn in half. My screams ripped through my throat, leaving it raw and sore._

_I had been shoved aside by my sister, Pluto, narrowly avoiding molten claws inches from my unprotected side. I had been knocked off balance and had fallen to my knees, I had felt hot liquid spray my exposed back and when I turned had met a horrific sight._

_Blood soaked her body from head to toe, sizzling and boiling in the heat of the Rage Demon in front of her. It only took me a second to realize the blood was from the burns. She had passed through the Rage Demon to keep me from being touched. She stumbled and the sound that came from her was inhuman, it was loud and painful. The sound echoed through my mind long after it had been cut short when a claw sprouted from her throat. It twisted, decapitating her. My eyes followed her head as it landed next to my hand. Fiery golden eyes that were once full of life and mirth, now dull and frozen in lingering pain, gazed into mine._

_My hands were shaking as I had reached forward and took the earring that fell off. I had turned to run only to meet a claw. I was knocked to the ground as it raked across my face. I had a split second to think before someone had shoved me to my feet._

_I stumbled forward toward the bright figure beckoning me forward. I never knew who was behind me. I just kept running._

_I scrambled up the slope, with those horrible creatures hot on my heels, and lunged for that glowing hand outstretched in frantic hope._

_Our hands connected and my world exploded in pain._

Lurching forward, I choked painfully on my gasp. My throat seized and my lungs hurt with the effort to even out my breathing. The memory burned bright in my mind and I struggled to blink back the tears that threatened to spill over. The Fear demon at Adamant had revealed what I was forced to forget, what happened to my clan. I was devastated to learn of their deaths so late, to learn that I had forgotten. I knew it was the demon’s doing, but I could not help but blame myself. I left them. They were my family, my clan, and the only other people I could truly fit in with. After all, I did not exactly belong in this time. Nothing should live as many eons that we have. 

No, had. They were gone and I was left.

I looked around, trying to find my bearings. I could not focus on any one thing, but I managed to pick out a few things. A fire place, couch and desk. I was in our Ambassadors newly refurbished office. We had been sipping some herbal tea and swapping stories of our teen years. Well, more like she told me her stories and I told her half-truths. I glanced at Josie’s sleeping form, curled up on the couch and blissfully unaware of my distress.

A creak sounded from behind me. I whirled to see that her window had drifted open from the breeze outside. The wind brushed across my bare skin causing me to shiver. It cleared the fog clouding my mind a bit, made it easier to pull the chilly air into my lungs. I looked around trying to find my coat that I shamelessly threw across the floor. Cloth shifted from the chair beside me. I had completely forgotten she was there. I didn’t want to disrupt her seemingly peaceful slumber because it seemed like her work allowed little time to rest. It was one of the only times Josephine ever got any real amount of sleep.

I reached down and picked up my coat and moved to drape over the exhausted Antivan. As it settled she stirred. I held my breath and stood completely still, hoping it didn’t wake her. After several loud heartbeats she curled into a tighter ball and snuggled into the coat, taking a deep breath and hummed a sigh. A rare genuine smile crossed my lips and a warmth spread across my chest, a warmth that I found new and very pleasant. I heard of this feeling before, and now that I am feeling it myself I knew just how far hard I had fallen for her.  I knew I liked her but I couldn’t deny it any longer. I loved her, and with this love came a fierce protective nature. I couldn’t tell her. Not now. I couldn’t tell her what I saw. Not how my clan was killed.

_My sisters decapitated head invaded my thoughts. It was as if I was there again. Her eyes stared through me, dull and lifeless. The stench of boiling blood and burned flesh. The needles of pain white hot flaring across by back. My right side of my face blinded by a claw. Leaving them there. Hearing their screams ringing above the roars of the demons. The ache in my legs. I kept running. I left them there. I left them there to die. I couldn’t help them._

Nausea made my head spin and my hand flew to my mouth, stifling the sob that surged from my core. No, I couldn’t tell her. No one could know.

Spinning on my heel I fled from the room, tears flooding my vision and blurring my view. I stumbled into the main hall, trying to get enough air to breath, but it wasn’t working. My throat was spasming, opening and closing, barley leaving time for me to get air through. I was choking. Over the chaos clouding my mind I heard a voice call me.

“Ice, are you alright?” It was Varric, only he used that nickname. He was the only one brave enough to call out my colder nature.

I tried to answer but I couldn’t form any words past my closing throat, only a strangled sob. Instantly, he stepped closer with concern scrunching his features. I couldn’t let him see me like this, not now. As fast as I could I pushed past him, towards my quarters. I practically crashed into the door leading to the staircase. I shoved it open and slammed it shut after me. I leaned against the door as spots danced across my vision. I couldn’t form a single coherent thought and a could feel the panic set in. My world was closing in and threatening to trap me.   

The door jerked forward, but I couldn’t really hear anything over the loud droning in my ears.  I sat there letting the numbness spread across my scalp and down my nose. I was gasping and I couldn’t stop it. I had no control.

The door moved again, but only slightly. As if they were trying to open it. Trying to get in.

My next move was going to piss Cassandra off but... 

_I can’t let them see me like this. Not now._

 

I pulled myself up and turned. Reaching forward, I placed my hand against the wood and let my magic spill out. The temperature dropped dramatically and frost gathered along the surface of the door. With a single thought, ice took over, freezing the door in place. There was a muffled curse that sounded vaguely Nevarren, a shout, then silence. The sudden cold forced me to breath correctly, little puffs of air slowly forming in front of me. Now they know one secret, but I didn't plan on letting them in on another.

It was as if I was watching myself from outside my body. Every movement didn’t feel like my own. I spun on my heel and made my way up the stairs, taking two to three at a time. Hoping, praying to every God I knew that they would not follow.

I had to get out of here. They already saw too much. The droning was quieter now, allowing me to hear shouts from below. Whomever was trying to break down the door was not getting far, but were still making progress.

I finally made it to my door to my chamber when I heard a loud snap, indicating that they had managed to break the ice.

Cassandra is definitely pissed.

I slammed my door shut and warded it. It wouldn’t hold but it would give me time. My feet flew up the stairs and I launched myself over top the railing. I grabbed the edge of the carpet and yanked up to reveal my Impenetrable Ward. It was a barrier spell taught to me by my elder when I was eighteen. Nothing could penetrate it, though nothing could leave either, unlike most barriers.

I placed my hands on the edges of the circle and gathered my mana. It pooled into my arms heating them and cooling them at the same time. When I activated the rune the pressure in the room increased immensely and it was as if the air itself was pushing down upon me. It was harder to get up than normal. The droning was getting louder and now with an added headache. As I got to my feet I felt a pull at my mana. From the way it felt I could tell Cassandra was trying to negate my ward, to break through. I couldn’t let her. Not now. Not while I was so close to my goal.

Deep in my mind, in the place I tried to hide from everyone including myself, I felt a push.

Suddenly my head felt like it would explode and my legs collapsed underneath of me and I hunched over, pressing my forehead to the stone beneath me. Malice started to flow through my veins and my muscles tensed. _It_ was trying to escape. It knew what I was trying to do so it’s trying to take over.

_But if it does that means everyone will be in danger._

_I_ _cannot let it show._

I shoved it down but it fought back, pushing and scraping. Snarling at me and my attempt to keep it down.

I look up and notice edges are blurry and my first ward was down and Cassandra was there, it seems no one else made it up. I was expecting her to be furious, to be disgusted with me. But all that was there was concern and fear. I didn’t understand I kept my magic a secret and with it the need to keep everyone away from me. Why wasn’t she angry? My magic will get people hurt!

**_But it wasn’t your magic that killed him. Remember your bloodstained hands?_ **

I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, letting out a groan as my head fell to the floor. Sweat was pouring off me and I could feel it getting stronger. My mana fluttered and jolted making me dig my nails into the stone floor.

_It is so hot. . . hot?_

I look up and realize that beneath me the floor was boiling. Several things had caught fire and were creating a thick smoke. Cassandra was coughing and trying to say something but my ward prevented any sound from getting through from either side. She was slamming her fist into the ward, causing my barrier to flicker.

_No! Don’t! That’s the only thing keeping you all safe!_

I open my mouth to tell her but I lost my grip on my control. Instead of words, a scream ripped through my throat as mana slammed outward, lacing the air with the smell of ozone. The ward shrunk in size to where it could reach out and touch it. The pain throbbed behind my eyes and my jaw ached. My throat was raw and my strength was weakening. I couldn’t see and I couldn’t hear but I knew I couldn’t let it gain any more control over me.

With one final shove I shut off It’s mana and threw up barriers, trapping It. It roared and shrieked, slamming Itself against the barriers. I could feel the barrier around me fade and hands were instantly on me. I tried to shift away from them but I was too weak. Something was draped over me and I was lifted by strong arms. My head lolled to the side and landed on an armored shoulder. I hoped it was Cassandra.

With my remaining strength I lifted my head enough so she could hear as I whispered an apology to her.

My only response was her jaw tightening and her eyes flicking to mine. 

We made it half way down the stairs when she finally answered. "You better be. It's not just me you worried." 

I was too dazed to ask what she meant and before long fatigue claimed me and I fell into a dreamless haze.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you enjoyed this because I will plan on continuing it at some point!
> 
> Some of you may recognize this from a previous work with more chapters. Yes, this is an edited version and the previous work was deleted. I just wasn't happy with it. 
> 
> Again, please let me know if you liked it! (Or if you notice some grammar errors, as I am positive there are many)


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